Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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