C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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