Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
