He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
