He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
