but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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