What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
