With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
