ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
