so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
