Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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