you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's the barista slut.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
