My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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