After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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