phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
