i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
