The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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