Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
