i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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