Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
