about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
