you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
