My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
3 2 1 whiskey
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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