i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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