No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
