Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
