i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
