Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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