i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
