Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
