He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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