so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
