turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it's like heaven, but drunker
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
