Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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