Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
