This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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