how can u be prego again
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
