Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
