This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
