Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
