Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
