"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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