WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
