They should really pass out barf bags in church
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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