Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
