She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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