i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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