Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
