definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is wine microwaveable?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
