Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
