I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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