i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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