i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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